Stop Internalizing Everything: How Reactivity Creates Conflict We Don’t Need

One of the biggest patterns I see in therapy is how quickly we internalize other people’s behavior. A tone, a look, a short response — and suddenly, we’re convinced someone is upset with us, judging us, or trying to disrespect us.

But here’s the truth:

Most of the time, their behavior has nothing to do with us.

People carry stress, exhaustion, fear, insecurities, and unspoken emotions. Their reactions are often a reflection of their internal world — not a reflection of our worth.

The real issue begins when we internalize and become reactive.

Reactivity Turns Moments Into Conflicts

When we take things personally, we shift into:

• anger

• defensiveness

• control mode

• “I need to check you before you disrespect me” energy

And that’s where unnecessary conflicts are born.

The situation itself isn’t the problem — our reaction to it is.

A misunderstanding becomes an argument.

Someone’s bad day becomes a personal attack.

A simple moment becomes a battle for control.

We create conflict that didn’t need to exist.

Why We React So Strongly

Reactivity usually comes from:

• old wounds

• fear of disrespect

• feeling emotionally unsafe

• trauma responses

• a need to control what feels unpredictable

It’s not that we’re “overreacting.”

It’s that our nervous system believes it must protect us.

A Healthier Way to Handle It

Here are simple tools to break the cycle:

1. Pause before responding

A breath can save the conversation.

2. Ask: “Is this really about me?”

Most of the time, it isn’t.

3. Consider another explanation

“What if they’re stressed?”

“What if they’re overwhelmed?”

“What if it had nothing to do with me?”

4. Let go of needing to control the moment

You don’t need to win or match their energy.

5. Respond with curiosity instead of anger

“Hey, everything okay?” creates clarity.

“What’s your problem?” creates conflict.

The Freedom in Not Taking Things Personally

When we stop internalizing everything, we become less reactive.

When we become less reactive, we stop creating unnecessary conflict.

And when we release control, we finally allow ourselves to feel calm and grounded.

Mantra for the week:

“I allow space for others to feel what they feel — without making it mine.”

By Cherie Dortch, One Mind Wellness & Psychotherapy Services